I feel as if I have realised a lot of things about how to be calm and then happy in this month. I realised that I needed to stop being so ego-centric and constantly assessing happiness through how important I appear to people or how cool I am, as after all I had never asked anyone directly in a completely serious tone if I was important or cool. From this realisation the next step was to realise that for every day where I am not in physical or emotional pain and none of my family and friends are in difficulty I should enjoy it and try and be happy, and not be disheartened by the small disappointments and boredoms.
I also realised that being a perfectionist was also driving me to depression and anxiety. Perfect is again egocentric in its roots, why am I entitled to have everything being perfect? Of course it doesn't mean I should stop trying and give up, but when I fail to make things as perfect as possible I just have to accept my flaws and deficiencies and try and improve on them.
Finally, it all comes down to accepting my weaknesses. Growing up in an age where teachers and parents are discouraged from scolding children or being brutally honest, and also being an only child, I had become accustomed to not addressing flaws and weaknesses and deriving too much self joy and pride. It's important to face up to weaknesses because living in denial of them just leads to them catching up with you one day and making you break down in self doubt, the shattering of the previous self image you held. The tough times are the making of a person.
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