So Monday 23rd August 2010 in Orpington, and I'm regretting my half hearted rejection of the summer interrail plan. The days I spent in Amsterdam were enjoyable, interesting and potentially valuable. I was deterred from going for 3 weeks by a combination of anticipation of property law exam, anticipation of law firm interviews and a suspicion of how much I really like my companions. As it turned out I missed them a lot when they went on to Berlin and left me behind.
The experience has brought it home to me why I have had a stop start 2 years in university, and why I've not had a relationship. The fear of not enjoying something, the fear of failure has held me back all my life. I immediately want to be the best at something as soon as I start to doing it, and at the first sign that some work has to be put in and there is some risk of failure, I back out. Whether it be making friends, meeting girls, joining societies, even playing video games, I back out when the going gets tough. If you don't try you don't succeed would be an appropriate aphorism here. I really must throw myself into more things, more bravely, more impulsively.
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Also, it is undeniable to me now that the nature of man is to move around. When a man is travelling he is in an entirely different state of mind to when he has been stuck in the same place, the same situation for some time. He learns to enjoy the present, not expect too much of the future, leaving himself able to be pleasantly surprised and value each moment of a life that is to end one day.
There is no perfect place, but one ignores or accepts the negatives when one is travelling, because there is an expectation that the negatives of this current place won't affect one forever. This is something we must bear in mind if we are to be happy, all situations change. The same city is different over time, to different people.
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